I really don't know how people do it. 5 kids, 10 kids, multiples... I've been having a hard time imagining how I'll handle things when I just have 2!
Lucy has always been a pretty easy child: relatively compliant, no health problems... When she turned two, I was expecting the worse with the "terrible twos" but she never really entered that stage... until now. I really though that by waiting to have a second baby after Lucy was 3, that I would have perfect timing and I wouldn't have to deal with the terrible twos at the same time as having a newborn. Well, common consensus has been that threes are worse... why didn't anyone tell me this a year ago? Why on God's green earth do they call it the terrible twos, then? *sigh*
Well, Lucy's attitude is what's getting the best of me and I'm struggling to be consistent in the way I handle it. I want to nip it in the bud, but her will is stronger than mine. When I struggle I really wonder "how the h*ll am I going to juggle two kids?" One was SO easy. And in just 18 short weeks, I'll have 2--one three-year-old, flat out telling me no when I ask her to do something, and one newborn, helpless and needy and demanding every ounce of my attention.
I know Adam will be available those first few days as will my mom, and that should help. But I'm freaking out a little realizing that soon, I'll have to do it on my own and I don't know what to expect!
These realizations make me feel horrible. Because deep down, I think, I shouldn't have had another kid. It's not about who my kids are, but more about who I AM and I'm not sure I can do it. I watch mothers who have it all together and their kids are obedient and little joys and while Lucy is a joy, she's not obedient all of the time and I worry that her defiance will become stronger as I need it to be weaker.
Being pregnant with these realizations also make me feel like I'm the only terrible mother who's ever questioned her choice of having another baby. I feel like these are things I should have really thought about and considered BEFORE getting pregnant! Too late. I'm screwed.
3 comments:
To be honest I go through a freak out period with every pregnancy wondering what I was thinking and feeling like I should have waited or been done when I can't even handle what I have at the moment. But God's grace has been sufficient and with every child I am more dependent on Him. He is changing me and making me new. It seems like we are in control of this whole having a baby thing because we "chose" it but in reality God didn't have to give us another child. Ultimately He holds us and our children in the palm of His hand. His timing is PERFECT! His choosing to give Lucy a sister and me another boy is PERFECT! His choice to give you a child that challenges you and forces you to be more like Him is PERFECT! :) I love that we are pregnant together and going through so many of the same things. I'm praying for you and your sweet family!
You're going to be an amazing mom of two, just like you've been an amazing mom of one. At least you had the guts to admit the feelings you have about all this, I'm sure you're not alone in that. It's not bad to have those feelings, it's what you do with them that matters. I know you'll do great!
The way you feel is the exact reason why I am 95% sure Lorelei is going to be an only child. I'd love to give her a sibling for her benefit, but I think I might go off the deep end.
That said, you can do it. :) You seem to have a really supportive group of friends out there who will help you out.
If you don't have a mobywrap I suggest you get one. You can wear Lydia as an accessory while you do whatever you need to do.
And the attitude...my advice is to try extinction. You completely ignore the behavior (it's really, really hard), don't give a verbal response or a facial expression, just remain neutral and keep doing what you were doing. It WILL get worse (it's called an extinction burst), but then she will work through it. Like I said, it's really difficult to not want to murder them, but it works 100% of the time.
It's the parents who don't. :) Me included!!!
Anyway, you're a great mom to Lucy and you can only get better. Good luck!
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